36 YEARS AND A DECADE OUT OF THAT.


Last week's Wednesday I turned 36 and this week's Wednesday this blog became a decade old.
The later is a lot and the first neither a lot nor a little; age is a weird concept as it means so much to you at one point (Dag is counting the days, rather literally, until he turns six and dreams about being a magic ten years old) while you at some point just forget about the numbers. (Well, you do have all the physical factors to -painfully- remind you at some point though.)  Right now I don't feel old and I don't feel young and I feel both old and young and, me being something of a constant thinker and non-sleeper am even more so now; having thought a lot about life and my life the past year; what was, and was done, and what is and what will, should and can be. Call it something of an existential crisis, or perhaps existential possibilities. Either way, in general it feels like life does get better all the time, so far at least. And it seems to go by very very fast as well.

So yes indeed, it is late 2017, and I have been blogging here for then years!
In internet time, that is a whole lot. It's fun scrolling back every now and then to what both is and feels like such a long time ago. Obviously, it was a very different life ten years ago, but a lot can also change, or develop, in five.

And obviously, my name is so-not-up-to-date - are there even "fashion blogs" anymore? You know, originally the name was meant to be an sarcastic nod towards outfit blogs, as I when doing freelance work usually just sat around in leggings or underwear working, and then headed over to the harbour to work some more in overalls. And not the nice jumpsuit-y kind, but blue and neon yellow workwear. (well, in that kind of sense I am pretty close to the old days; I seldom get to wear my nice wardrobe because now I am mostly moving around at the studio, moving in the car, or moving on stage in something totally different. That, and also I don't fit most of my old clothes anymore. Ha ha. Sniff.)
So I planned to just do outfit posts on different wool socks, black t-shirts and blackunderwear. But as we all know it never turned out that way and also at this point one can't really change the name now can one?

But ok, lets look back! Because I totally did nothing at all last year when I turned 35, which, as we tend to count in fives and tens, was something more of a thing, I'll go back six years to when I turned thirty. (That's the year I actually celebrated my birthday; we had the True Blood party!)

Here was me then with a new lens. I think I look pretty much the same, but lets be honest here - my skin was indeed six years younger and also two thirds of my clothes from that time don't fit me anymore.  Those physical factors that come with time...

When I turned 25 we (J, my boyfriend at the time) took our friends on a cruise to celebrate. We knew the crew so here we are on a visit to the bridge. (I AM SO YOUNG what is this!)
J is a super fella who still works at sea and has a young boy and a second kid coming up.

And when I turned 20 I looked like this. (Yooooouuuung)My boyfriend at the time was also one whose name began with J. There's a lot of Finnish male names starting on J. I remember this one as well, we had Nepalese food with my family and I wore a long black-and white 1970's maxi skirt.
This J nowadays has a huge Dali-inspired moustache and works as an artist.
Because pretty much everything before I was 25 was shot on film there's not too many pics of my younger years (the two ones above are scanned from an album), especially not if you compare to the constant flow of pics everywhere today. I don't have any  from my 15th birthday here at home but here's one from the autumn when I had turned fourteen. I remember those pants but I have a hard time remembering life and my patterns of thinking back then. We called each other and talked for hours on the phone at home, you could make group calls and we secretly called dating chat lines, used pay phones when out on town and dreamt of being 18. But this I do remember: one day when out walking I told myself to always remember that when you are fourteen you have thought about everything so much already, that you do get things.

And then there's a gap so here I turn one!

If anyone of you have been here with me for the decade-long ride all along I say thanks and send you smiles in ones and zeros! As to anyone who jumped on later as well.

THE SILENCE



Hi! Here I (still) am. Sitting by my flower-and herb pots on the backdoor stairs. And it's sunny and almost warm -which is something of a thing this summer, the coldest of the decade they say- and I am wearing a selfmade dress I haven't in years.

And I wish I could sit like this more often, just sit there, listen to the wind in the trees and look out on the field and road in front of me, and feel good about just doing just and only that.
But I don't get to too often. The classic -  there's seldom time for it. And when I perhaps try to for a while I tend to look at everything that needs to be done, that are in the yard and garden waiting to be fixed or maintained.  That's a line you often hear from a lot of people, but in this case here everything really is waiting for the next step. The house is still full of the Tapiola-flat still packed in boxes, waiting for us to renovate more space. It looks like shit. And the to-do's from work never end; there is always something you still need to do. And have I worked, a lot, building the business, constantly. And it might even start to show soon. The two hours I spend on commuting every day are those two I spent at blogging per day before (I spend a lot of time and eat a lot of my meals in the car these days).

So I took a lot of stress during the past year of not having time to blog like I was used to, or like I wanted to. Many are the list of posts that remained on there, as notes on a list, and many are also the photos since 2015-something meant for the blog, still lingering on the memory card, to the point that it became a thing, like a barrier I couldn't get across, to actually produce something. But at some point this summer I just let that stress go. I've been here for a decade. That's a crazy long time and sometimes, when I take the sudden extra moment, I may browse back and look at what I used to do during the past ten years, and also at how one used to blog for the time being. Because that has changed as well, blogging itself has changed, the way it is done it seems. Few out there interest me anymore, many became too branded and "clean"- which is something I totally understand, the need and reason to brand oneself, for those making a living out of it.  Everyday life for me has been so hectic and at some points heavy possible blog subjects have changed and the current state of many affairs and situations in society has also had an effect on what I have felt, or rather not felt like blogging about. And all the boxes and halfway-there things at home do not serve as too inspiring an environment for the moment either.
But that does not mean I am done. I just stopped feeling bad about not being able to constantly produce material (and answer emails, sorry for that!).
And damn, that feels good!


THE SILENCE



Hi! Here I (still) am. Sitting by my flower-and herb pots on the backdoor stairs. And it's sunny and almost warm -which is something of a thing this summer, the coldest of the decade they say- and I am wearing a selfmade dress I haven't in years.

And I wish I could sit like this more often, just sit there, listen to the wind in the trees and look out on the field and road in front of me, and feel good about just doing just and only that.
But I don't get to too often. The classic -  there's seldom time for it. And when I perhaps try to for a while I tend to look at everything that needs to be done, that are in the yard and garden waiting to be fixed or maintained.  That's a line you often hear from a lot of people, but in this case here everything really is waiting for the next step. The house is still full of the Tapiola-flat still packed in boxes, waiting for us to renovate more space. It looks like shit. And the to-do's from work never end; there is always something you still need to do. And have I worked, a lot, building the business, constantly. And it might even start to show soon. The two hours I spend on commuting every day are those two I spent at blogging per day before (I spend a lot of time and eat a lot of my meals in the car these days).

So I took a lot of stress during the past year of not having time to blog like I was used to, or like I wanted to. Many are the list of posts that remained on there, as notes on a list, and many are also the photos since 2015-something meant for the blog, still lingering on the memory card, to the point that it became a thing, like a barrier I couldn't get across, to actually produce something. But at some point this summer I just let that stress go. I've been here for a decade. That's a crazy long time and sometimes, when I take the sudden extra moment, I may browse back and look at what I used to do during the past ten years, and also at how one used to blog for the time being. Because that has changed as well, blogging itself has changed, the way it is done it seems. Few out there interest me anymore, many became too branded and "clean"- which is something I totally understand, the need and reason to brand oneself, for those making a living out of it.  Everyday life for me has been so hectic and at some points heavy possible blog subjects have changed and the current state of many affairs and situations in society has also had an effect on what I have felt, or rather not felt like blogging about. And all the boxes and halfway-there things at home do not serve as too inspiring an environment for the moment either.
But that does not mean I am done. I just stopped feeling bad about not being able to constantly produce material (and answer emails, sorry for that!).
And damn, that feels good!